You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
