once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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