she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
