I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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