Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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