Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
