it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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