Plan B is the new Plan A
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
