hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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