return my video game
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
