Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Randomize
