Cold hands, warm shart.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
