After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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