Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
