found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
