I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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