Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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