Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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