she smelled like a LAN party
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
