I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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