Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
