Please, let me fuck your mom
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Randomize
