You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
