I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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