New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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