Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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