I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
