i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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