I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
