Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
