Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
