john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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