I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
