moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
