OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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