I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
