what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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