@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That's how pantless uber rides happen
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
