Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
