we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
