I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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