I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
