it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
