we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
