My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So much Jack, so little girl.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
