As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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