What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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