this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
