It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
