you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
