the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
