Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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