That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We are all done wearing pants today
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
