I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize