we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
