Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
