Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
