I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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