Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
