what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
