Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
