I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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