The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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