You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
