You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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