I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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