I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
