I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
