1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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