i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
