I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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