I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
