god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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