Your face is a jimmy john
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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