In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
