YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
