My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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