based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
