I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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