Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
