It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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