I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize