he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
