ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
