I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Randomize
