My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
