I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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