You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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