we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
