if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
