Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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