I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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