Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
