Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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